Changing Leaves Read online

  “And you’re… really ready to marry me now?”

  “Absolutely. There is no doubt in my mind. Are there any doubts in yours?”

  I didn’t have to think about it. “No… There aren’t.” A smile crept on my face.

  “So, what are you thinking, baby?”

  “Yes!” I nearly shouted as I wrapped my arms around her neck. “Yes, absolutely, I’ll marry you!”

  She grabbed my face and pulled me in for a deep kiss. I laughed as soon as she pulled away.

  “Oh my God, I’m so happy. I never imagined it was even possible for me to be this happy.”

  She ran her fingers through my hair. “Me either. And I’m sorry I messed it up for such a long time.”

  “Don’t be,” I told her. “We’re here now. That’s all that matters. We were meant to be a long story, I think. A long, beautiful story.”

  “A story we’ll tell our kids one day, maybe?” she asked, hinting with a smile.

  “Absolutely.”

  She gave me one last quick peck. “I love you.”

  “I love you too.” Something else crossed my mind. “Do… your parents know about this?”

  “Oh, yeah, who do you think helped me pick out the ring?”

  This made it so much better for me. So they were already okay with our very rushed engagement. And they were willing to welcome me into their family?

  Life was perfect. I spent so many years unhappy or, at least, not as happy as I could be. But all those years suddenly made sense to me.

  I had to go through that. I had to feel some pain, some loneliness, to appreciate everything that I had now. I didn’t think I would be the same person I was now if I got into a relationship with Jess right after high school. And, you know what? I was happy to be who I was now. Happy to be the person who fit so well with Jess.

  “It’s forever this time, right?” I asked Jess. While I didn’t mind the years I had to be lonely, I wouldn’t have wanted to do them again.

  “Forever and ever, I promise. I’ve turned over a new leaf this time. It’s a new life for us. I swear.”

  I kissed her on the cheek. “I believe you.”

  Epilogue

  Jess

  I heard a quick crash and ran out to the living room to see what had happened. I found Lyla and Callie hissing at each other and a bowl of fruit had fallen off the kitchen table.

  “Ugh, how long is it going to take for you two to get over this?” I asked in exasperation.

  Callie immediately went sprinting down the hall into the bathroom and Lyla stared at me from the corner of the room.

  “Seriously, you guys are going to have to get used to each other now. You’re siblings now.”

  It’d only been a week since I moved into Gina’s house. We were hoping the cats would adjust a little better than they had, but I supposed we just needed to give it some time.

  We probably should have spent more time introducing them in the year between my proposal and our wedding. But what can I say? We were too enthralled with one another to think too much on the logistics of moving in together after our wedding.

  Well, if you could really call it a wedding. Neither one of us were very big on giant displays of affection nor did we have many friends to invite to a wedding even if we wanted to have one. We just invited my parents and hers, though hers chose not to fly out for the event. They had moved away years ago and Gina wasn’t that close with them. Cordial, but not very close, so she wasn’t really hurt that they didn’t want to show up for a courthouse wedding.

  I actually thought she was hoping pretty badly that they wouldn’t come because I heard her reiterate on the phone to them several times that “it will only be an hour or so at the courthouse, no big deal, no reception.”

  I think she was glad my parents were there, though. And I certainly was. I may not have wanted the attention of a big wedding, but seeing my mom cry as I made my vows to the woman I loved more than anything was definitely a highlight of my life.

  There was a time, just a year ago, that I wasn’t even sure my mom would ever be there to see me get married. And now I was confident that she’d be around to see me have children. Life could change so quickly.

  I had gone from the darkest point in my life to the brightest in just a year’s time. I honestly felt like a significantly different person. A more dedicated lover and daughter, a more positive individual, someone who saw the glass half full.

  I wasn’t sure I’d ever get here. Mostly because I wasn’t sure I’d ever find someone I loved as much as I loved Gina. As it turned out, I never did. She was my one and only.

  And she always would be.

  I’d thoroughly enjoyed our lives as they were now, how they’d been for the past year, but I was also excited for our future. Since getting married last month, we’d already started talking to some adoption agencies. We both agreed that was the next step for us, having kids. Neither of us wanted to wait.

  “What was that?” I heard Gina ask as she came up from the hallway.

  “Our little angels were fighting again,” I told her, rolling my eyes.

  “Ugh, they better get over this soon. I’m getting tired of random hissing and crashes. God, if they’re this jealous of each other, how are they going to be when there’s a baby in this house?”

  “I hadn’t even considered that,” I told her with an eyebrow raised.

  She smiled at me. “Speaking of which, look at this crib.”

  She had a catalogue of baby necessities in her hand. She pointed to a bright red crib on the corner of one page.

  “It’s cute, right? It’ll totally go with the red and grey theme.”

  I laughed. “Slow your roll there, babe. We don’t even have a baby yet.”

  “Doesn’t mean I can’t already think about decorating the nursery!” she said, skipping back down the hall.

  God, she was so damn cute. Everything that she did was absolutely adorable to me. But imagining her as a mother got me especially excited.

  I had doubts about my own abilities as a parent just as I had my doubts about being a wife. Mostly because I hadn’t been my best self in my recent past…

  Since I reignited my relationship with Gina, though, I was determined to be a better person. And one thing I didn’t doubt was that I would never, ever leave her or my children. No matter what happened.

  I followed Gina down the hall. I had the urge to kiss her so, when I caught up with her, I wrapped my hands around her torso and gave her five quick pecks.

  “You’re in a good mood today, aren’t you?” she asked cheerfully.

  “Absolutely. With you, I’m always happy.”

  “Hmm, I don’t know if I buy that. Even when we’re arguing? Even on the days where I drive you crazy?”

  “Oh, definitely.” I kissed her again. “Especially on those days. At our very worst, I’m still reminded of what it’s like to live life without you. And I’ll never forget how lucky I really am.”

  She kissed me back. “Well, you better do anything you can to keep me, then.”

  “I plan on it.”

  Excerpt from Broken Record

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  Continue reading for an excerpt from my other lesbian romance novel Broken Record!

  10

  Lindsay

  Lindsay

  I was just about to print the check for my last table when my coworker, Lisa, walked up to me with a nervous smile.

  “Tell me John’s not asking me to do a double,” I said in an exasperated tone before she even got to speak.

  John was my manager, and though I generally liked him as a boss, he did have a habit of overworking his employees.

  “No, it’s not that,” Lisa said hesitantly. “It’s just that another table asked for you as their server.”

  “Seriously?” I rolled my eyes. “But it’s my last table and I’m already cut.”

  “I can tell her no, if you want. I have no problem
taking it myself, it’s just that she seemed pretty insistent.”

  “Wait, is it Mary?” I asked.

  “I don't know her name, a little old lady? Pink flower in her hair?”

  “That’s her. I’ll stay for her, that’s fine.”

  “Okay.” She shrugged. ”I’ll let John know you’re staying for an extra table.”

  I didn’t mind Mary at all. Not only did she tip ridiculously well, she was such a sweet old lady. Never had a bad thing to say about anyone or anything. She was always good for some pleasant conversation.

  It would actually be nice to finish out my shift with her. I still had side work to do anyway, so it wasn’t like I was ready to walk out the door. I could do my side work in between serving her, and I’d end my shift in a good mood.

  I dropped off the check at my last table and walked over to Mary, not even bothering to open up my order pad. She always got the same thing.

  “Hey, Mary.” I gave her a grin and she returned it.

  “Oh, hello, Lindsay!” she said softly. “I’m so glad you’re working today.”

  “Oh, you know I work every weekend brunch! How have you been?”

  “I’m just fine. Just the usual in my life. There’s no excitement left when you hit eighty-one.”

  “Oh, stop!” I told her. “I know you’re not a day over forty.”

  She laughed. “Oh, Lindsay, you sweet thing. You are too perfect. Are you sure I can’t set you up with my grandchild?”

  “You know I can’t date,” I told her with a crooked smile. “I have both of my jobs to think about.”

  And I wasn’t just saying that to get Mary off my back. I meant it. I didn’t date and hadn’t since high school. My life truly was too hectic as it was.

  “And how is the music career coming along?” she asked.

  I didn’t generally talk to my customers about my aspirations outside of waiting tables, but Mary was different. She had tried really hard to get to know me over the years and I gladly let her. Talking to her made me happy.

  “It’s going… all right,” I answered honestly. “I’m still making my cover videos and putting them up online, but I’m not getting much traction.”

  “Well, don’t worry.” She nodded sweetly. “I know you’re going to be a star, it’s just a matter of time.”

  I wished I had her confidence. I certainly didn’t have much confidence in myself anymore.

  When I moved out to LA after high school in hopes of becoming a recording artist, a big part of me really believed I could make it. Not only did I play guitar and piano well, but I had an excellent singing voice. Why be humble about it? It was the truth. I was damn good.

  In my small Midwestern town, I was the best musician I knew. I was constantly getting praised growing up. I won every talent show and I sang the lead in every musical. If it involved singing or playing music, I did it.

  But Los Angeles wasn’t exactly a small town. I was no longer the big fish in a little pond. I quickly realized that talent alone was not enough to make it out here.

  LA was filled with talented people. I was merely another face. No matter how many demos I sent out, I always got the same reply… I was good and I had talent, but there was nothing that made me stand out from the crowd of people who were also trying to find their musical start.

  Though I still had my hopes that I’d eventually make it, I doubted it at this point. Every year, I got a little older and less suited to being famous.

  Maybe I should have moved on by now. Gone to school instead of chased this silly little dream. But every time I considered buckling down and doing something else, I ached.

  It wasn’t that I somehow believed I deserved to be famous—I didn’t. It wasn’t like I’d be incapable of getting a better job than serving. I could work a 9-5, sure, that wasn’t what bothered me.

  What I absolutely hated was feeling like I had wasted so much time. I had put years into this, years of my life that I’d never get back. To fail now, after all this time, would really fucking hurt.

  Which was why I continued to live this life. Continued to struggle serving and refused to waste my time with dating. Every year that passed by, I worked harder. I could feel my time running out and all my free time went into making my music and attempting to market it to record producers.

  “So,” I said to Mary, “Just the usual today?”

  “That’s right, my dear.” She smiled sweetly.

  “Perfect, let me ring it up and I’ll be back. You’re my last table today so we can chat for a bit.”

  “Oh, I’d love that!” she cooed as I walked away to put in her order.

  But when I came back, it became clear that a casual chat was out of the question.

  I was the first one to see it happen. As I walked back from the Posi and toward Mary’s table, it looked as if her head was wobbling slightly. It was hard to be sure. Her head only barely peeked out from the top of the booth, and then it disappeared.

  Before I had time to react, I saw her body on the floor and panic rolled through me.

  “Call 911!” I started shouting as I ran to her as fast as I could. “Someone, call 911 now!”

  “I’m on it!” Lisa said as she pulled out her cell phone. She was about to walk out the door when she heard me screaming.

  Instinct kicked in. I used to be a lifeguard, and all the training I’d once had for that came flooding to the front of my mind.

  I immediately knelt down to check if she had a pulse. I couldn’t find one, so I began compressions.

  I didn’t know how long it actually took for the ambulance to arrive. It was likely only minutes, but it felt like hours. My heart was racing faster with each compression that failed to make her heart beat again.

  But the EMTs were far more prepared than I. They rushed in with a defibrillator and demanded I removed my hands from Mary’s body so they could attempt to restart her heart. I waited with bated breath as they sent the first wave of electricity through her and nothing happened.

  Fuck, was this it? Did I just watch this sweet old lady pass away? A woman I spoke to nearly every weekend? Maybe the only customer I’d ever had who actually seemed to care about me as a person?

  My heart sank at the thought.

  I watched as they, once again, brought the two metal paddles to her chest and shot a volt of electricity through her tiny body. And that was it. That was the shock that had her gasping for air.

  “Oh, fuck, thank God.” I sighed as I watched her little chest begin to pump blood through the rest of her body. One hand flew to her chest as she gasped, the other to the top of her head, where it clenched her thin gray hair.

  “Okay, Ma’am, we’re going to take you to the county hospital,” one of the EMTs said as they lifted her tiny body onto a stretcher.

  She couldn’t yet speak, but she nodded. For a minute, I think she forgot where she was. I saw recognition come across her face as she stared at the black-and-white checkered floors.

  And then her face found mine. I’d never seen so much desperation in her pale blue eyes before. She reached her hand out to me, and I instinctively grabbed it.

  “It’s okay. You’re going to be okay,” I told her softly, though obviously, I had no idea how things were going to turn out.

  She nodded softly, clearly unsure.

  “I’ll come see you, okay? I’ll come visit you. Don’t worry, I won’t let you be alone.”

  This looked like it actually comforted her a bit and she loosened her grip on my hand as they began to wheel her away into the ambulance.

  As they went out the door, I found myself sinking into the red leather booth where Mary had just been sitting.

  I had never felt such a range of emotions in a mere ten minutes. So much for a happy, cheerful end to my shift with Mary.

  But I had meant what I promised her. I was going to go see her tonight. Even though I knew that, right now, she was breathing and okay, that didn’t diminish my concern for her.

  There was no
good reason for someone to collapse and completely stop breathing. She was old, and I knew this wasn’t a sign of good health.

  I allowed myself ten minutes to compose myself at the booth before I willed myself to get up and clock out. I probably would’ve stayed there all night if I hadn’t set a time limit. I never responded very well to traumatic events and this had been so completely unexpected.

  As I was reflecting, I realized I didn’t have many friends my age. Besides the few coworkers who were really more of acquaintances, Mary was the only person I really talked to about my life.

  Maybe that sounded weird, that some sweet old lady who came in for brunch on weekends was my only friend. But that was the reality of my situation.

  I had a lot of friends in high school and I always meant to find more here in LA, but it never worked out. Well, to be more honest, I never really tried. I was not exaggerating when I said that nearly all of my time was spent trying to advance my musical career.

  There was a lot to do to work on my music. I wrote new songs, practiced them until I felt they were good enough, recorded them, mixed and mastered them, made videos of me playing them to put online, created demos to send to record companies… And I tried to create new music as often as I creatively could.

  Again, I probably should have slowed down and tried to catch up with my life a bit. Make some friends, get some hobbies, learn to relax outside of work and music. But I just couldn’t. My sense of urgency to make my musical career work was too great.

  And now, my only friend, the only person I looked forward to talking with every week, was in the hospital for God knows what. I could feel it sending me into an existential crisis.

  I didn’t take a lot of time to reflect on my life. I stayed as busy as possible and I liked it that way. But what if I had been doing this life thing all wrong?