Changing Leaves Read online

  “I really wasn’t expecting to see you, you know,” she told me.

  “Why not?” I asked stupidly before correcting myself. This wasn’t a question I needed the answer to. “Never mind… Just, I meant what I said, Gina. I care about you and I want to make things up to you. I know I can’t but… But I’m really going to try.”

  “Okay… And what does that entail?” she asked, sipping her wine.

  “I don’t know. You tell me. You’re kind of the one who calls the shots here. I don’t want to cross your boundaries but I’ll do absolutely anything you want me to. Gina, I don’t want to lose you a second time.”

  She glanced down at her feet. “Okay, but I guess I’m a little confused about what your end game is here.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “I mean, what exactly are you looking for here? Is this nostalgia coming to the forefront? Are you going to try to date me and see where things lead? Do you want to be best friends again? What is it you’re looking for?”

  I thought on this. “Honestly, I’m looking to have you in literally any way you’ll allow me to. But my ideal situation? Yeah, I want to date you, but not for a couple weeks…” I shouldn’t have said what I was about to, but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to be completely honest with her from this point forward. “Gina, I want to marry you one day.”

  She literally spit out some of her wine.

  “Did you just say you want to marry me?”

  “Absolutely,” I said, trying to hide all my insecurities and sound completely confident.

  I was confident in what I wanted, though. I knew it was insane. But I also knew what I felt and what I’d never felt with anyone else.

  “You’ve seen me for like… a day! No, not even, a few hours! You run out for years, then you show up again and immediately want to marry me? You realize how crazy this sounds? You’re like… mentally stable, right?”

  I laughed. “Yeah, pretty sure I am. And I’m not exactly suggesting that we get married tomorrow. I’m only saying that I’m confident I would be happily married to you in the future. I’ve dated around and I’ve never been able to find what I found in you when we were in high school. If those feelings are still there, and for me I know that they are, I really believe I’ll be happy spending the rest of my life with you.”

  She seemed to focus on only one part of what I’d said.

  “So… you’ve dated? Other women, I mean?”

  “Well, yeah…” I said a little nervously. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it. “Haven’t you?”

  “Yeah, of course. Absolutely. It’s just a little weird to think about.”

  I could tell what she was feeling was jealousy, though she didn’t want to admit it, obviously. And I had to say, it made me a little happy to see her feeling jealous over me. I knew that was a little wrong, but I couldn’t help myself. If she was feeling jealous over me, that meant there were still feelings here for her too. Which I already suspected by the fact that she allowed me to come in, but this confirmed them.

  “Not a single one of them ever held a candle to you,” I told her.

  I could see her blush.

  The oven beeped and it was the perfect excuse for Gina to get out of the conversation.

  “So, uh, let me put that pizza in real quick.”

  “Sure, no problem.” I nodded.

  I couldn’t help but notice that as she went to unbox the pizza she downed the rest of her wine and poured herself another one. She must have been as nervous as I was.

  I waited patiently for her to put her pizza in the oven and then sit back down on the couch before I asked my next question. I knew she was going to need her composure for this.

  “So what is it you want, Gina?”

  “Huh?” she asked, caught off guard.

  “I’ve been telling you everything I want. Pleading with you to consider letting me back into your life… But what is it you want? Do you wish I’d just disappear? Do you regret me coming back? Or are you feeling something here too?”

  She stared at me a long time. “I want to tell you that I do hate that you came back and wish you’d leave. I want to protect myself from ever being hurt by you again, but the truth is… Yes, I have feelings for you. Yes, I’ve fantasized about the possibility of being with you. That might make me an idiot, but I feel the same way you do. No other woman I’ve been with has ever come close to you. All those nights I laid awake and dreamed what if… Now my what if is happening. And I want to push you away, but I don’t know if I can.”

  I could feel my heart soar and sink at the same time. On the one hand, she still had feelings for me and that felt fucking amazing. But on the other, it ached me to see how deeply I’d hurt her. To know that she was worried about me doing it all over again.

  “Gina, I’m so fucking sorry. You have no idea how badly I feel for what I did. I’ve spent so many nights awake myself, thinking of you and all the pain I caused. And my guilt is the only thing that was able to successfully keep me from you all these years. But I swear to god, I’m a different person now. I’ve grown up and I know what I want. I would never make that same mistake twice. Nothing could tear me from you again.”

  She frowned. “I hope you understand why I can’t just take your word for it. I need proof… I need to protect my heart.”

  “Does… Does that mean you can’t give me a chance?” I asked sadly.

  “No… Not exactly… It means more that I’m going to take things really slow. I’m not going to get as wrapped up in you as I once was, not at first. Not until I know that you really will commit to me. Doing anything else would just be foolish.”

  I nodded. “And that’s completely fair. I don’t mind at all. We can go as slow as you want to… I’m going to be here, regardless. I mean it, nothing will make me turn away from you again. I know what I lost the first time. I’m still worried I won’t be able to ever get it back.”

  “Well, that’s a definite possibility,” she acknowledged.

  “Because you might not ever be able to forgive me?” I asked.

  “That wasn’t what I was thinking. I really believe I will be able to forgive you. In some ways, I already have. You were a scared kid who didn’t know how to deal with your feelings. I get that. That’s not what I meant. It’s more that… Well, we’re still strangers to each other. We have no idea how we’re actually going to feel if we do start dating… What if we both have changed completely? Maybe you’re not going to be as into me as you think you are.”

  I looked at her. I stared into her dark brown eyes, admired the perfect way that her black hair flipped over her head. She didn’t feel like a stranger at all. She felt like the woman I’d known for years.

  “I could never not be into you.”

  I wasted absolutely no time. I leaned over and began kissing her, fully expecting that she might stop and reject me.

  She didn’t, though. She allowed my advances and the second our lips touched was the second I became absolutely insatiable for her.

  This wasn’t exactly how I thought things would go the first time I kissed Gina again. I thought we'd take things slow, enjoy each other as much as possible. Savor the first kiss before we delved into… other things.

  But I couldn’t control myself. As our tongues met each other, I could feel myself starting to get wet. I had to have her, I just had to.

  I started pulling at the hem of her shirt, attempting to tug it over her head. She lifted up her arms to allow me to take it off her. Then she pulled up my own shirt, so that both of our bra-clad breasts were on display.

  We continued kissing until Gina pulled away suddenly, a look of consternation on her face.

  “What? What is it?” I asked.

  “Just…” But she never finished her sentence. She got up real quick and started heading toward the back room.

  Okay, well, shit, I wasn't sure what to do now. Had I pissed her off? I mean, she had said she wanted to take things slow and then I started ripping o
ff her damn shirt…

  I considered going after her but that felt weird, walking into the back of her house without all my clothes. I started to get anxious after a minute, though. What was I supposed to do here? Should I just leave?

  But then Gina returned with a sly smile on her face and a black strap-on in hand.

  “If we’re going to do this, let’s do it right.”

  Seeing her with that strap-on was all it took to get me completely fucking horny. There would be no more kissing, I knew that already.

  I ripped off my clothes and she did the same. I couldn’t help but gawk at her naked body. She was so damn sexy standing there, her perky breasts jiggling slightly right after she pulled her bra off.

  She began to slide the strap on and I could feel myself getting wet just watching her body move a she began to tighten the straps. I knew what was coming next, we weren’t going to waste any time. We’d be fucking now…

  I needed to be fucking her now.

  She was as ready as I was. She began to climb on the couch, on top of me, her soft handing gliding over my stomach and my breasts as she prepared to have her way with me.

  She began to slide her hand down to my pussy, touching my clit to prepare me for penetration. But I didn’t need it, I was so turned on right now.

  “No. Just go for it. Just fucking stuff me.” I told her.

  And I didn’t have to tell her twice.

  She began to slide the plastic cock in, inching deeper and deeper, allowing me to acclimate to the large girth until suddenly she rammed the whole length inside me and I gasped in ecstasy.

  I was completely filled and she began to hump at me, her breasts swaying in my face. I couldn’t resist, I lifted my head to suck on one and she moaned in pleasure and began to hump me harder.

  But not hard enough.

  “Harder, fuck me harder,” I moaned.

  I wanted her to know I liked it rough. She got the hint.

  She grabbed both my arms and pinned them at my sides as she began to increase her speed. She started pulling the cock all the way out and then ramming it back into me as hard as she could. My entire body was jiggling underneath her, she forced me farther up on the couch every time. I grabbed her breasts, both for leverage and for pleasure. God, they felt so damn good in my hands.

  I knew I wasn’t going to be able to handle this very long before I came but I didn’t care. I was too caught up in the pleasure to give a fuck about when I did or didn’t cum. If it was too fast, fuck it. It only showed that I was so fucking into her I couldn’t stand it.

  And we’d have plenty of time to do this again and again later.

  “Holy shit, I’m going to fucking cum,” I groaned to her, gripping her breasts harder than I had before.

  She had been groaning on top of me this entire time as I wriggled under her tight grip. I could tell she was also completely gripped by how hot this was.

  “Do it!” she shouted. “Fucking cum right now. Cum while I drill the shit out of you.”

  This pushed me over the edge. I yelled out as my orgasm overcame me. I could feel my pussy tense up as wave after wave of ecstasy came over me. It felt like the longest orgasm I’d ever had. When I finished, I could feel exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks.

  I collapsed onto the couch next to her, our bodies touching tightly together. I didn’t mind her naked, sweaty body on mine, though. She didn’t seem to either.

  Neither of us spoke. I think we were both exhausted and stunned from the pure ecstasy. I certainly didn’t mind the quiet. Not until I could catch my breath, at least.

  “Okay,” she said after a minute.

  “Okay what?” I asked.

  “We can try this. We can try to do the relationship thing.”

  “Really?” I asked through labored breath, still exhausted from what we’d just done.

  “Yeah, really. But I’m going to be careful about things. And I’m going to need to prove your commitment to me. I want to start fresh. That means complete and total honesty between us…”

  “Absolutely!” I agreed. “Complete honesty.”

  “And that means that if you want to cut and run, instead of just disappearing you take the time to tell me how you feel, okay? No lies, no hiding anything.”

  “I promise but, Gina, I’m never going to cut and run. It’s just not going to happen. I want to be in this for the long haul, I swear.”

  She nodded. “I really hope that’s true. But I’m not going to get excited, not yet. Not until I know for sure.”

  “Okay. I understand.”

  She glanced over at me, sadness in her eyes. “Please, Jess, don't break my heart again.”

  I pulled her naked body in close to mine.

  “I give you my word. I'm only going to protect your heart from here on out.”

  7

  Gina

  It’d only been a month or two since I started dating Jess officially. And, frankly, it’d been a miraculous couple of months.

  I’d never felt this happy in my life. Not even when we were kids because, as kids, I never got to express how I really felt about her. And now I did.

  How I felt about her … God, I didn’t even know how to describe it. As time passed and I’d gotten to know her once again, I’d only fallen deeper in love with her. The intensity of my emotions had grown.

  Which scared me.

  Not in the way that it had scared Jess all those years ago. I wasn’t terrified to get too close to her. In fact, I loved it. Every second of feeling close to her again filled me with joy.

  I was the happiest I’d ever been and that was what was scary. It could all disappear on me at any moment.

  I worried about it all the time. I’d forgiven Jess, I truly had. But I hadn’t moved on from what she did. I still worried all the time that she might leave again.

  Sometimes, I questioned her commitment to me. She’d never given me a reason since she’d been back to doubt it, though. She’d given me all of her time and attention, so I didn’t bring it up. I didn’t want to sound crazy when things were perfectly fine between us, obviously.

  But it was in the back of my mind all the time. When I was with her, I could bask in my happiness and enjoy our time together. When I was alone, it was a different story. My mind ran rampant and I couldn’t get a hold of my thoughts.

  Which was what was happening right now. I was sitting on my bed, Callie happily purring in my lap, as I waited for Jess to get here. Callie was helping to keep my anxiety under control at least marginally, but not much.

  Jess should have been here any moment now, though. And then these thoughts would fade from my mind as I wrapped myself up in her.

  I knew she’d be on time, too, because she literally always was. I didn’t think she’d been even a minute late getting to my house since we got together. And she came to see me almost every day.

  When I worked, she’d come by late during the night and spent time with me. Which was nice, but we were both usually tired and I had work early. On the weekends, we got to spend the day together, though. It was Saturday and I was stoked to be able to hang out with her with no other interruptions.

  About five minutes before Jess told me she would be arriving, I heard a knock at my door. Callie got up excitedly and ran to the door. She’d really taken a shine to Jess, despite the fact that she must smell like her own kitten.

  I shouldn’t have been too surprised, though. Callie loved attention. And Jess definitely spoiled her with it.

  I got up to the door to find a smiling Jess staring at me.

  “Morning, babe!” she said, kissing me on the cheek as she walked in.

  “It’s not exactly morning anymore, you know,” I told her as I went to sit on the couch next to her. She wrapped her arms around me and I cuddled up into her.

  It was crazy how fast we’d fallen back together. Even the first day we began a relationship together, nothing felt awkward. I felt as close to her as I always had.

  “What exactly are
the plans for today?” Jess asked me.

  “Don’t really have any.” I shrugged. “Movies? Video games? Chinese food delivery?”

  “That all sounds perfect to me.” She kissed me softly on the lips.

  When we first started dating, every little peck sent shivers down my spine. But now I could kiss her without being intensely overwhelmed by the chemistry between us.

  And as fun as it was to get the chills just from kissing someone, I was glad to not have that anymore. I was already in that stage of our relationship where I was simply comfortable to be around her. The spark wasn't as intense as it first was, but there was an intimate calm between us that I loved.

  “We can fit sex into that schedule too though, right?” She gave a cheesy grin.

  “We’ll see,” I said cheekily.

  She stared at me for a moment after that. It was weird stare; I didn’t think I’d ever had anyone look at me like this before.

  “Uh, is something wrong?” I asked.

  “No,” she said in an odd voice. “Nothing is wrong. Literally nothing; there isn’t a wrong thing in my life right now. Because of you, everything is perfect.”

  She did this every now and then—looked at me oddly and then say something completely unexpected. Each and every time, I felt myself blushing in response.

  These little comments helped with my desire for commitment quite a bit. I mean, if she wasn’t interested in me seriously, she wouldn’t say things like this. She wouldn’t seem absolutely enthralled with me. Which she totally did.

  And then something happened to make me doubt that commitment all over again.

  “Why don’t you go ahead and call Chinese food?” I asked her. “I’ll grab us a glass of wine.”

  “Sure, what do you want?”

  I thought for a moment. “Orange chicken and white rice?”

  “Sounds good.” I watched her pull out her phone and then her entire facial expression changed.

  “What?” I asked. “What is it?”

  “I’ve… got to go,” she said suddenly.

  “Wait, what?” I asked. “You’re just leaving?”